The Jacuzzi

Three months ago, two of my friends – may they be blessed amongst all women – offered me a voucher for a facial at the Spa Caudalie from the luxury hotel Meurice. My kids were away plus I had a day off at work so I went to this temple of luxury and beauty…



11h00: I leave home after changing ten times. How not to look like a destitute in a luxury hotel when 95% of your wardrobe is from H&M, Gap and other unknown brands?

11H05: I rush back up the stairs, I forgot my swimsuit for the hammam and the Jacuzzi.

11H30: I am sweat soaked when I get there, it was worth spending all this time getting ready, I look like crap. My white skirt looks like a mop and my skin is shining as if I just had applied a margarine face mask.

11H35: The receptionist looks like a dragon, she notices me right away.

11H36: Even if there are no doubts, both for her and me, that it’s my first and last time in this luxury paradise, she goes along anyways and takes me for a visit of the spa.

11h37: I run into a scale next to the changing room. The dragon seems to think I did it on purpose. My subconscious giggles, he actually did it on purpose.

11h38: I walk next to a fitness room. I dare to joke “exceptionally, I’ll skip the fitness session”

11H39: The dragon does not laugh. She seems to think that a bit of sport would do me no harm.

11h40: I put my swimsuit on as well as a bathrobe which weights five kilos and pop to the Jacuzzi.

11h42: I am Catherine Deneuve.

11h43: The water in the Jacuzzi looks like a lagoon. The room is made of black and white marble. Actually, I was born for luxury.

11H44: I realise that one of the strap on my swimsuit hangs only by a thread. This wouldn’t happen to Catherine Deneuve.

11h45: Jacuzzi is nice but I am bored, on my own.

11h47: I just discovered secret buttons for the Jacuzzi.

11h48: The first button prompts water swirls. It’s like the Jacuzzi is stroking me all over.

11H49: The second button triggers thousands of air bubbles. The Jacuzzi rumbles, it seems it is going to explode, I stop before police gets involved.

11h50: I push the button again, it really is funny.

11h52: There’s a storm in the Jacuzzi. No one comes to ask me to calm down. I am having a whale of a time.

11h54: When I am right in that position, there, bubbles tickle me nicely.

11h55: I am not bored anymore.

11h56: Can you marry a Jacuzzi?

11h12: Right when I discovered a very erogenous zone hidden below my toes, the dragon storms in. It is time for my facial.


To be continued

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