Well, there you go, I went through an extraordinary experience last week. A photographer came to my place to shoot me.
Right.
Now, honestly, I think we can say I’m a star, that’s it. Well, ok, it was for an article in “Bien dans ma vie [1]”. Which, personally, I don’t know. You neither I guess. Don’t give a shit, an image professional, an experienced photographer came to my place, paid to immortalize me. It’s simple, I can’t get over it. Wanna read about it?
09h00: My fairy Babou, baby-sitter but also beauty coach, official hair dresser for my future wedding, Baron’s regular – nothing to do with the price of tea but I’m SO SO proud to have a friend who’s under 25 and who frequents the Baron, the most hype club in Paris – and fifth member of the family, arrives to watch the kids.
09h02: Uh, yes, today I’m being photographed and my ‘black and blond’ (according to my daughter) hair is not an option. So I dash to sell a kidney of mine before running to my hair dresser and get a bit of dignity back for my mane.
09h12: I’m not at all ashamed of leaving my children on a Wednesday, a day theoretically dedicated to the flesh of my flesh.
09h14: In fact, I’m super ashamed.
09h17: I’m super ashamed, yet, I’m doing it for them. Indeed. Do you think it’s good for children to have their mum photographed with back regrowth? It’s the kind of humiliation that’s passed down several generations.
10h00: Arrival at D’s… I show David a picture of Emmanuelle Seigner and tell him I want to be like her in two hours.
10h02: David giggles.
10h03: David stops giggling, he understands I’m not kidding.
12h04: I will never again ask a hair dresser to turn me into a blond and irresistible rocker.
12h05: I have exactly the same hair style as Emmanuelle Seigner.
12h06: Except I look like Courtney Love
13h00: Fairy Babou tries to comfort me and assures the fringe suits me very well. She tries to take my mind of it and asks me what I’m going to wear.
13h01: I laugh, she’s too funny. As if she didn’t notice I’m wearing MY mythical black dress.
13h02: Babou thinks it’s not a good idea to stay in black, especially as the photographer asked me yesterday to wear a colorful summer dress.
13h03: I’m sorry but my back dress IS a summer dress.
13h05: Babou asks me if I’m sure I can’t find something more flowery.
13h06: Why not a stripped shortalls? Even under the knife, I won’t wear anything flowery.
13h07: I explain to Babou that I look like Maïté when I’m wearing flowery outfits.
13h08: I just found a super summery and colorful dress, black with white dots.
13h12: Babou is not totally convinced by the colorful aspect but thinks it’s better.
14h00: The intercom rings. It’s Fabrice, the photographer. I rush, bump into the table and tear my tights, right before the shooting.
14h01: I definitely give up on Emmanuelle Seigner. Even Courtney Love, I guess, doesn’t tear her tights right before a shooting.
14h04: Fabrice comes in and assess the living room to decide on the place I will stand.
14h05: I look at my living room at the same time and the mess explodes in my face.
14h06: I try innocently to hide an apple core lying around on the coffee table and whisper to the kids to put away their yogurt pots from breakfast.
14h08: Fabrice swears it’s not a big deal. It shows there’s life in the apartment.
14h10: Fabrice is a gentleman.
14h12: Personally, I still think the fact my bra’s lying around in the corridor next to my cowboy boots mainly shows I’m a slattern.
14h15: Fabrice explains we’ll take it easy, I shouldn’t worry, and I can take two minutes to change my tights and put make up on.
14h16: I AM wearing makeup.
14h17: Babou proposes to powder my nose. In her eyes, there’s pity.
14h20: In the bathroom, Babou takes charge and asks for my make-up case.
14h21: I give her my Terracota.
14h22: Babou asks calmly where the rest is.
14h23: My look must be desperate because she says softly that it doesn’t matter if I can’t find my eye shadow nor my lipstick. The only thing she needs is a kohl.
14h24: I don’t have a kohl.
14h25: Babou becomes washed out.
14h26: I call Fabrice so that he helps me resuscitate Babou.
14h28: Babou pulls herself together but something died in her eyes.
14h30: I comfort Babou promising I’ll buy a kohl tomorrow. Babou doesn’t speak to me anymore, she smears Terracotta all over my face frantically. I think she’s in a post-traumatic state.
14h32: I have Terracotta all over.
14h33: I ask shyly if it’s mandatory to put Terracotta on my ears.
14h34: Babou throws me a lifeless look and answers that she refuses to justify herself to a 36 years old woman who doesn’t have a kohl and looks like Courtney Love.
To be continued…
