Well, well, well… For a start, the final pictures are not yet available as it must be a total surprise for the viewing day. But Barbara, the one and only, kindly sent me pictures from the making-off – how class is that? – Some illustrate this article
Come on, here’s what happened next…
20h00: I’m hesitating. Do I wash my hair tonight to get there with my personality at its best or I leave it totally free-style so that the hair dresser has room for enhancement?
20h02: The man is of the opinion that I’d rather wash them tomorrow to have faith in myself. He also says it will look cleaner.
20h04: The man doesn’t understand free style at all.
23h00: Yet I’m super scared, fortunately I’m doing this for a humanitarian cause.
23h12: Let’s hope my nails will be long enough for a manicure.
07h30: The man wakes me up with a weird face. He doesn’t stop shivering with cold because of hot water which is not running from our tap this morning.
07h34: I’m trying not to interpret this hard blow as a bad omen. On the other hand, no way I’m washing my hair with a 12°C water. Sebastien will see my personality right away: dirty.
07h45: After a 14 seconds cold shower to wash the essential – below the waist, in short – I see myself in the mirror.
07h47: It is said that, after 30, you grow old by stages, all of a sudden.
07h48: Too bad, my stage was last night.
07h50: The man assures I don’t look 10 years older than yesterday. He says I just look tired. He says styes are not helping.
07h56: I realise my brows are a mess and I don’t recall Barbara mentioning waxing.
08h00: I don’t dare calling her to ask. Even if she admires me for my humanitarian courage, I yet fear she’ll find I’m going to far asking for my brow to be trimmed.
08h12: Whatever, I do it on my own.
08h14: I have one brow twice bigger than the other but at least it’s neat. My hair is greasy but my brows are trimmed, one makes up for the other. Or maybe not.
11h00: I’m struggling to concentrate at work. Honestly, what I’m about to do is so militant that all these people seems small to me…
17h00: I escape and take the underground to Colonel Fabien station. I feel like telling every woman I pass I’m about to fight for her. They all are my sisters.
17h03: I feel like singing Julie Pietri.
18h00: I’m in front of the studio, in an inner courtyard. I’m beginning to be super scared. Maybe they’re thinking I’m younger. And slimmer. And that my hair is lighter too. Well, I mean blonde on the top of my head as my daughter would say. I don’t feel like throwing myself with all my might into the arena. I’m fat, ugly and I want to g…
18h01: “Hi Caroline, how are you? I’m Barbara, nice to meet you”. Shit, Barbara hurtled from nowhere as I was about to go. When it comes to diversity, she’s out of the league, that’s for sure. I wondering why she’s not the model for the shooting, it’s simple, that girl is a candy. Pretty AND kind.
18h02: Pretty, just like ALL girls in the studio.
18h04: Which is just like in movies. With umbrellas that must be used for something related to light. A white wall. A glass roof. Music in the background. And… ahhhhhh ! A hair fan. You’d think you were in « Un Dos Tres » the sitcom on M6 with Penelope Cruz’s sister.
18h05: On a stool, Caroline Daily is being photographed. With 12cm heels and a dress so small I could use it as a cardigan. She’s holding a crazy pose with a leg upright. Wow. She’s been doing this all her life or what?
18h07: Mlle E. is having her makeup done. In a pink Carrie Bradshaw dress to die for. Size 8 because size 10 is too big for her, she explains.
18h08: Where’s diversity?
18h10: Now I get it.
18h11: I AM the diversity. On my own I pull up the age and weight average.
18h14: Barbara feels I’m panicky. She holds me out a plate of macarons. They’re not from Ladurée but it doesn’t matter.
18h16: I kind of feel that eating macarons will not help me feel better in my too low-necked black dress. Anyway, what’s done is done.
18h18: Sébastien, the hair and makeup artist, is done with Mlle E., it’s my turn. He has me climb on a huge chair to wash my hair. I apologise for the state of my mane and explain for the hot water that stood me up right this morning.
18h19: It’s crazy, him too! Same issue, he had to shower at the studio. We look at each other and laugh. So much complicity could make me cry. I know I hold on to him like a buoy. But he’s the only one who’s not wearing a killer pink dress, so it creates bonds.
18h22: Sébastien says he wants to go easy on makeup. Now I’m reassured.
18h23: He massages my scalp and it makes me think of my friend Julie who told me one day she had an orgasm like this. So I pray it won’t happen to me. Emotional as I am, that would be embarrassing.
18h25: I don’t want to leave the shampoo area
18h26: I will never make fun of Julie anymore.
18h27: Sébastien agrees to a light messy blow-dry, Emmanuelle Seigner’s style. For my face, he will use only concealer.
18h29: In my opinion, Caroline Daily’s personality was not worked on with concealer.
18h32: Sébastien says it would be surprising that my getting old stage happened last night. Yet he spends loads of time on my lion wrinkle.
18h34: Sébastien says he wants light eye makeup too. He explains that I have light eyes but small with a slightly sagging eyelid and too much eyeliner could have an opposite effect to the one we want. I say I agree even if the sagging eyelid doesn’t have me jump for joy.
18h38: A young lady does my nails while Sebastien gives character to my hair personality. I’m hysterical, she has black red. She says “garnet”. But it’s the same. She says my nails are fine even if they grow askew. Something tells me the askew part is not so great but at this point it doesn’t make much difference.
18h41: I hate my eyelid. Until now, I hadn’t noticed them, but now I see nothing but this, they sag, these sluts.
18h43: I look at myself in the mirror. In your face, getting old stage. Sebastien is a magician, he gave the 10 years from last night a real hard time. Sebastien says I’m pretty. And, I don’t know why, but I believe him. Well that’s right, there was huge room for improvement but now seriously I feel ready to roar in front of the camera. Come on, there we go, hair fan and all.
18h50: I’m going out of the dressing room and I don’t feel like doing this anymore in fact.
18h52: Nicolas, the photographer, arrives. He is 14, maybe 20 years old, maximum. He has a mocking look.
18h54: I prefer to sit for a start. I warn him, not a chance I’ll lift my leg.
18h56: Nicolas shows me the first pictures on his camera.
18h57: I will never allow any picture of me sitting.
18h58: I suggest going behind a white stand in order to hide the ten rolls I just saw on the pictures. I lean forward and decide to bet on my breasts. Taking the risk of being vulgar. Being vulgar is better than bulging out.
19h00: I check the result on the camera. I might have bet on my breasts too much.
19h02: I smile as much as I can. I tell myself if not pretty I’ll look friendly. Poor Pantene guys, they will regret the diversity idea.
19h05: Nicolas is super kind. He guides me and cheers me up. He says I don’t have to smile. He asks me to do again that look. He says he likes that one because it shows I don’t have to smile to seduce. I tell myself he is a good photographer, from all of his fifteen years of age.
19h30: Nicolas asks if I want to try with the hair fan.
19h34: I’m unstoppable, I want to marry the fan.
19h39: On the pictures, it looks like Bonnie Tyler.
19h45: Nicolas says he’s got it all.
20h00: I leave after a dance with Barbara on Rita Mitsuko and kissing everyone goodbye. I have no idea what it will come to but truly, I did it. I did it and actually, it doesn’t mean nothing.
Edit: amongst the bloggers, there are Garance, Anne-So, Caroline Daily, Mlle E, Dietcoke, Géraldine et Cé. Sorry for the ones I’m forgetting, let me know and I’ll put your name as well…
Edit2: A big thank you to the whole team for their kindness and gentleness.
Edit3: The first to say something unkind about my green cowboy boots will be sulked.
 TN: in English in the original text.