Here is the rest of the story of the much talked about day when I bought my ‘Sonia’.
I have to admit, the one on the picture is not mine. But it looks like it…
14h26: Naomi welcomes me all smiles. I can’t tell if she’s really classy or looks like a call girl. She confirms, I’m at the right place and asks if I want to go upstairs to ‘admire the different accessories’.
14h27: Naomi shows me the way. I follow her and take the narrow stairs.
14h28: I arrive in a boudoir full of pink treasures. Alluring underwear, lace bed jacket, nightdresses which seem to be screaming “tear me off”. Naomi suggests that I browse before making a choice. I know it’s not the initial goal but I think I’ll yield for this adorable and tiny cashmere tank top which, at best, will be a bra on me.
14h29: 350 euros.
14h30: Naomi, let’s get serious, show me your devices and let’s get it over with.
14h31: Naomi starts her presentation. It would be the same if she were talking about watches. “Here is one of our biggest successes, the ‘rabbit’[1]. It’s a small vibratoooooooooor very handy, which you can slip in your pocket. There is a plastic base and a deeeeeeeelicious little silicone rabbit sitting on top, the shape and texture optimize pleasure and quickly provoke clitoral orgasm.” Or else: “theeeeese are geisha balls. They are linked together with a thread which enables you to pull them out when you want. Vibrations generated when you walk provoke an indefinable pleasuuuuuuuure”.
14h32: I’m scarlet.
14h33: It’s official, I’m a real tight-ass.
14h34: Naomi just switched on one of their other hits, the lip stick vibrator. It looks like a Guerlain. She puts it in the palm of my hand.
14h34: “Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii”…
14h35: Naomi explains the lip stick is perfect for plane trips and it poses as real lip stick for customs checks. “It’s made for external use but can be used at the vagina entrance to stimulate the G spot”.
14h36: the word vagina makes me jump. When sometimes with my gynecologist I have to speak about that place, the maximum I manage to say is ‘inside’.
14h37: Sometimes I say ‘my lady part’.
14h38: Phew, here are the ducks, I’m starting to be super hot. There are three colors, pink, purple and black. Now that I look at them, they are not so appealing; they look too much like my kids’. Furthermore, Naomi precise, “they are only for external use”.
14h39: I pretend to be like “of course it’s for external use. You must be really dumb to think of something else.”
14h40: I have to get the hell out of here, Naomi is liberating me at breakneck speed, in two minutes I’ll be saying the word clitoris.
14h41: “And that small purple one, there, I was wondering, it’s slightly bent to better stimulate my clitoris or reach my G-spot?”
14h41: Brigitte Lahaye[2], out of my body, now!
14h42: I go for the nice purple one which looks like a candy and take a pink duck for my colleague.
14h43: Ducks bring cash in, I confirm! I’m not far from the 110 euros baby bodysuit.
14h44: I go back to work.
14h45: I have two vibrators in my bag.
14h46: If I get knocked over by a car, it’s the first thing the rescue squad will find.
14h47: I want to be knocked over by a car.
14h50: I hug the walls at work and pretend to be working. My colleagues give me questioning looks, I acknowledge it was super easy to be a liberated woman.
15h56: I can’t stop thinking of it.
…
17h45: I leave work pretending I have a migraine.
18h15: Come on go, go, go kids, hurry and finish your diner, no, daddy’s not here, he’ll come back late, yes, poor dad, it’s not nice for him, right? Yes, mummy will be a bit lonely but, don’t worry, mummy has many things to do. Come on darlings, teeth, wee-wee and in bed. Hu, what? Of course it’s time. It’s exactly 8 o’clock.
19h00: Kids are in bed.
19h01: How come, may I ask you, EXCEPTIONALLY putting my kids in bed at 19h would make me a bad mother? They were exhausted. After a good night of 14h sleep, they will be in great shape.
19h05: I take my Sonia out of its black case with strass and SR logo. Only for the case I was right.
19h06: I switch on the gem…
19h07: Hiiii !!???
19h08: Rohhhhh….
19h09: ha… ha… ha… haaaaaaaa!
19h10: I just had my first premature ejaculation.
