Yesterday, Raphaelle asked me how I managed to stop smoking. Thus I thought I could tell you. Because after all, we can still laugh from this, can’t we?
It was a 31st of December, four years ago…
– 20h: I’m about to live my last evening as a smoker. I’m super proud I made that decision; already I feel really good, it’s incredible. So long dictatorship. Vade retro my dependence. Tonight, I’ll be free again.
– 20h02: Fuck, where are my fags?
– 20h05: Up to midnight, actually, I don’t mind my liberty. I could decide to end it right now, but no, I’m keen on the New Year’s symbol.
– 20h06: I have only ten cigarettes in my packet, it’s not enough. Especially as they are my lasts, just watch me! I pop to the shop and buy a carton.
– 20h10: A carton might be too much. But if I’m frustrated tonight, for sure I’ll start again tomorrow.
– 21h03: I haven’t smoked for twenty minutes and I don’t give a damn. Tomorrow will be a piece of cake. I wonder why I bought patches which cost an arm and are not even nice. When you have as much will power as I have, no need for those crouches.
– 21h05: Three euros per packet times 365, I’ll indulge in so many little pleasures… I love it already. When I think I waste almost 1000 euros per years for my coffin’s nails, I’m dismayed by my stupidity. When it’s child’s play to stop. Honestly, it’s good I’m aware of it now. Tomorrow, I’ll go to the Spa in Meurice hotel to celebrate.
– 21h12: If I find the bitch who stole my packet, I kill her. Doing this to me while I’m in a stopping stage, it’s mean.
– 23h00: One hour from now I’ll be giving myself a new chance to live old. I find it great. Already when I check in the mirror, I find my complexion lighter. It’s crazy. The only thought of stopping makes me a new woman. Moreover when I see this poor Sophie who smokes like a chimney, I feel sorry.
– 23h14: I feel sorry for her but tomorrow she won’t have three extra kilos. Whereas I already crave sugar. I’m going to smoke three fags in a row in order to put me off my food for now.
– 23h55: Five minutes. It’s the time I need to have a smoke. On the other hand, the party’s so awesome I almost don’t feel like lighting it. It’s amazing how much I love these people. They are beautiful I find. Great, ‘Like a Virgin’ is playing. I’ll be a nicotine virgin soon, so class. Honestly, I can totally dance on Madonna’s songs without smoking.
– 23h56: I can but I won’t.
– 00h00: Happy New Year. Long live liberty.
– 00h01: I’m bored.
– 00h10: I’ve never spent such a crappy New Year’s eve party. No atmosphere. And it’s full of disrespectful people who smoke right under my noise. If you can recognise your true friends during this kind of moments, it’s scary…
– 00h12: Good news is I’m not carving for a smoke at all. Since 22h00 I smoked 34 cigarettes. I read it’s very efficient to disgust yourself for LIFE.
– 01h12: 34 were not enough or, in my world, ‘for LIFE’, means one hour.
– 02h12: No one wants to slip me a cigarette. I shouldn’t have annoyed everyone for the past two weeks with the fact that I was planning to stop at midnight. They made it their business, too bad.
– 03h14: It’s incredible, I’m out of talking point. It looks as if my legendary come-back was hidden in my Lucky Strike. Actually, I’m a dull and sad girl. I want to be the old me again the one who knew how to party and was funny.
– 03h18: Can’t that bitch of Madonna just shut up? I can’t stand her voice anymore.
– 04h34: I don’t understand I apply all advice from the book how to stop smoking without suffering. Each time I feel like having a ciggy, I have a drink. And well the more time passes, the more I feel like it.
– 05h56: Maybe the guy from the book meant drink water.
– 06h02: Stopping smoking sucks, I puked all my whisky.
– 06h12: The man warns me he prefers to live with a smoker than with Sue Ellen
To be continued…