I’ve been seeing this good doctor Zermati for two months. I haven’t had any other session since the one with the raisin, the last one had been canceled because of the GROS’ congress, an association created by Apfeldorfer and Zermati.
After eight weeks of therapy, here is a status.
– My crappy scale which always under-weight displays five kilos less. I have no idea of my real weight, but I don’t care, I know though that I’ve slimmed down, my clothes are a good indicator.
– Since a few days, people tell me spontaneously that I’ve slimmed down. What’s funny is that I haven’t lost much more than two or three weeks ago, but strangely, it’s more obvious. As it if a certain amount of time was required for your body to readapt its own contours.
– I don’t feel like I’m on a diet. Although, I eat less, it’s obvious. There’s no magic, it would be too simple if going to see a doctor was enough to slim down. As brilliant as the doctor might be.
– I manage to eat when I’m hungry, however I’m still not really connected to satiety.
– I handle very well “normal” everyday life, business lunches or endless dinner with friends are a bit tougher. I’m still very fragile in front of a bowl of sour cream and onion Pringles.
– I don’t feel obsessed by this therapy. I mean that, in general, when I stop smoking or start a new kind of diet, I want to talk about it, sometimes until people make me understand that yeah right I’m nice but… Now, if I’m been asked questions I will answer, but it’s rarely me who broaches the subject. I think it’s rather positive.
– I’m struggling a bit with “mindfulness” exercises which involve focusing, for a few minutes, on breathing or on the first bite of food. Basically, being aware of the present moment, without actually forbidding interferences, but attempting to come back each time to the focus subject. Doctor Z. always says “it’s not about trying to change your state, simply observe things and feel them”. It requires stopping life flow for a few moments and it’s not that easy. That said, lately, in the evening, in the tramway, I close my eyes and give it a try. It’s amazing how it helps getting your head straight. Like realizing the unpleasant words from this colleague don’t really deserve me getting all worked up.
– I’m under the impression that indeed I’ve slimmed down but something else is happening. My ultra-emotionalism for example that handicaps me rather seriously – my eyes get wet for any old reasons, all the more if a) I get a bit of attention, b) someone reproaches me, c) I try to get stuffs off my chest – seems to be more channeled. As if I were taking control again. The journey is long before the end of anxiety, but I don’t know, I feel… more self-confident. I mainly feel that the big cloud which was hiding my sun for the past months could really end up vanishing.
– I smoke again. It’s, I think, a negative point as if I were not able to stop a compulsion without starting all over again with another. That said, I had started again before therapy, but let say it didn’t make things better. In my opinion, when I was little, I missed something in oral stage. At the same time, I could as well have stayed stuck in anal stage, eh.
– I buy tones of clothes, my bank account melts faster than my butt’s fat.
– My socks are looser on my calves.
– My bras are less tight too.
– I don’t have heartburn anymore, probably because I eat less.
– I’m down by one size, I can now fit in a 44[1], even if it’s still slightly tight.
– My knees hurt less.
– Last time, I was carrying a pack of 5 liters of milk to the trolley, I found it was heavy. I realized that until not so long ago, I was continuously lifting those bottles. It’s normal that I feel lighter.
That’s it, may I add that I have no illusions, I don’t feel like I’ve signed a permanent contract with weight loss. I have to understand why eating is not yet harmless and instinctive. I need to learn to stop when I’ve had my fill. But well, I tell myself I’m on the right path with the right person.
Edit: Picture taken last summer on the beach, the cloud looked like a gaseous Pikachu and, when it vanished, it was rather incredible, this sensation of found again light…
